Musings of a dirty old man
I'm a long time member of the BDSM community that love's to study human sexuality and the reasons behind the many kinks involved
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Is She Submitting Or Obeying And Why it Matters.
Posted:Oct 31, 2019 11:17 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2019 8:39 pm
I believe and will always believe that a connection, honest to goodness mental and physical connection, is paramount to a great D/s dynamic. A good connection might make your dick hard or your pussy wet but a great connection makes your heart beat faster and your brain wonder how you made it this long with the other half. Us men have two heads we deal with in this lifestyle. One does the thinking and the other does the stabbing as it were. I can already hear captain glitter beard telling me to be careful I off but it's just not me to worry about such things. I am so fucking sick of D types saying that a connection isn't needed for a good pick up session. You really have no idea what you are talking about if this is your view. I have the simple view that if you don't capture her heart that you really aren't dominating her. Yeah she might follow your demands and rules but is her heart in it? What does that matter will be the quick answer from the opposition.
When I take on a new sub it's not an easy thing for me to do. Until I know what makes her tick, what makes her stop in her tracks, and what makes her melt I don't really have her submission. Yeah I might have her obedience but obedience and submission is two different things. Obedience happens in every day life. I can be a manager in a retail environment with ease but behind my back they don't respect me. Why they follow is the most important part to me.
The reason I am writing on this topic yet again is because of my vanilla life, I find myself back in the retail game again. It never actually ceases to amaze me how quickly I become a manager but here again I find myself being promoted. It's not because I know how to boss my employee's around and it's not because I scare them. It's because I earned their respect and admiration. I asked one girl that I midget why she likes working for and with me. It's an honest question and when I asked it it had nothing to do with dominance and submission but just an honest question because I always find myself leading the pack. "You make it fun," was her quick answer. Honestly yes I know this is just in a vanilla work environment but it still kind of made my brain start making the ding ding ding noise.
Now before you dip shits start screaming that D/s isn't all fun and games I understand that. It's not but if you expect an s type to follow your every lead then you have to give them a reason to. You have to give them a reason to look you in the eyes and think to themselves that they would follow you to hell and back.
If obedience is what you wish to obtain then become a McDonalds manager but if submission is what you want then learn she or he is. Learn what makes them tick and what makes them moist lol. Yes I made a funny but for fuck sakes our job as the D type in the dynamic is a damn hard and if you think it's easy then you aren't gaining submission.

I am going to make this easy for the beginners to understand.

Submission is when they look in your eyes and know that no matter what you ask of them their immediate response makes them just as happy as it does you.
Obedience is when they look in your eyes and when you make a demand of them they take a deep breath and think to themselves, "this to shall pass."
To me it's pretty simple. The second one any idiot with a hard on can achieve but the first one can't happen unless you know them. It won't happen until you gain their trust and admiration. The next time you have an s type on her knees before you think for a second before you make a demand of them. Is she there because you made her pussy wet or is she there because you got into their heart? One will end in ejaculation but the other will never end. The other will make you the happiest man on this planet and this I promise you.
How To Tell Their Not A Real Dominant
Posted:Oct 28, 2019 6:51 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2019 12:13 am
One of the most asked questions I get by new submissive's is, "How can I tell if he isn't really a dominant." I've been on nearly every kink or fetish site known man and have talked hundreds of women first starting the lifestyle and the one resource often missing is a way weed the fakes. I have spent years perfecting this list I am going post here and it does the trick nicely judging how angry some posers get when you them on their bull shit. By all means you can copy and paste it keep handy. Enjoy and I hope just one new sub reads this and it keeps her safe from a predator preying on new subs know no better.

*Fifty Shades Of Grey is the best movie ever. We all know it sucked.
*They have fifty two point five pictures of their dick but no direct face pic.
*Their vanilla wife says they aren't a true dom.
*After care is a mythological concept they know nothing about.
*They tell you submission is expected. False, it's earned.
*They tell you your opinion is not needed or wanted. WARNING he might be a narcissist.
*They don't know the difference between obedience and submission. Submission requires respect and admiration. Obedience doesn't require either one.
*If they throw a temper tantrum because you used a safe word. Douche move.
*He demands you him Sir or Master from the moment you meet. You’re a submissive, not his submissive. I advocate being respectful until he gives you a reason not be, but anyone who demands a title before it’s earned needs be ignored.
*He sends you unsolicited instructions of how please him or orders obey. Did you talk about this list? Was there communication and consent? If not, this is just another poser.
*He ignores your hard limits. Don’t just walk away from this loser, run. Ignoring your clearly identified and communicated limits is the sign of an asshole and an abuser. A Dominant will push your limits, sure, but not without first talking you – a lot.
*He starts an introduction with a dick pic and or making sure you know how large his member is. Dominance is about deep voice with authority. Dominance is about how they carry themselves. put this the simplest of ways and easily understood if you know your craft you can dominate someone just as effectively with a four inch pecker as well as you can a ten incher.

About two years ago I was scrolling through posts on a well known fetish site when I came across the most blatant show of false knowledge ever. Picture a 24 year old stating he had been a dominant for ten years. So this shit for brains started dominating girls before he was even legally able drive.

Be careful ladies and use the guide.
Posted:Nov 2, 2019 5:29 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2019 4:59 am
I've been a mentor of countless submissives, little's, and slave's and seen the horrid messages sent from men trying to pretend to be a dominant with little success and what kills me is they don't understand why they aren't taken seriously.

I'm known to be controversial on many topics in BDSM because I tend to always tell folks keep it simple stupid. The difference between a real Dom and a fake dom is as easy as the difference between submitting and obeying.


When a woman or man submits it come's from the heart and of respect for the person they are submitting . Most submissive's tend be rather dominant in real life and sexual submission is their outlet for stress relief and relaxation. The dominant has earn such a persons submission and shouldn't expect it simply because they say they deserve it. Submission is a lot like respect.


When you obey someone it's more of an ends a means. We all have worked for someone we didn't respect or care for but we "obeyed" get through the situation at the time. Most of the time it required no skill on that boss's part get us obey them. Simply put shit got done but nobody did it willingly or happily.


If you notice the difference between the descriptions you probably know people of both type's and if you can take your thought process that far you can see point. I understand there is a major push with pick up sessions in the BDSM world and they believe all is well with what they do and I am happy if they are happy but problem is I feel for those folks that haven't felt the need and want submit because the earned their respect, heart, and yes full submission.

When you submit someone because they earned your submission though respect and love it become's something more beautiful than a Picasso. Suddenly some of your hard limits melt away and you find yourself open possibilities you never seen or thought of before. It's moving in ways that's hard describe.


This last bit should be taken seriously by you 's new what you are doing. Remember there is a heart and soul attached that body. The part you don't seem understand is why they submit you should be your calling on if you are truly a Dominant or if you are just a douche with a superiority complex.

push point home I want tell you about father. He was a narcissist that fear get obey him. I hated every minute of it but I did obey him. I will go grave telling you I never respected him and I back on childhood with sadness.

point is simple, you shouldn't be happy as a Dominant with blind obedience as just a means an end. Any good leader knows lead successfully you earn your followers respect and when you do that they will do what ever it take's make you successful. Leader's that care about obedience tend fail more time's than not.

She's not your submissive she asks you what she can do for you because if they are obeying you then that is a sentence you will never hear.

Shave the arms as well?
Posted:Nov 2, 2019 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2019 5:33 pm

I've been shaving body hair for over 2 yeas now and I generally love it but I've never shaved arms. should I shave arms as well or it?
Shave the arms and finish the job
Leave the arm hair
0 Comments , 2 votes
Topping From The Bottom May Be The Right Way To Go
Posted:Oct 29, 2019 8:57 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2019 1:02 pm
I just got done explaining the intentions behind safe words for the millionth time. It's a common question but it's deeper than just the use of safe words. It's about the submissive's safety and the Dom's equally. Now you might ask yourself if the Dominant has ultimate control how does it become a safety measure for both? answer that I have start at the very beginning of a new BDSM dynamic no matter what the dynamic is from D/s DDLG and beyond so let's get into this.

In the beginning of any relationship it start's with mutual physical attraction. It's not about the Dom finding a sub attractive and the sub having to submit to the Dom regardless of the fact she isn't attracted to him. Her submission is her's to give and not the Dom's to take without her consent. It all starts with people coming across each other in the great big world and finding they have a lot in common and find each other physically appealing. It starts in the very beginning with the D and the s on equal ground and of equal Rights.

Once you find each other you begin the negotiations. The submissive should start by giving her potential Dom her list of hard limits. Hard limits are sexual activities you don't want participate in but hard limits can also be anything strenuous that could cause an asthma attac. As a submissive you have the right not participate in Anal or be fisted. As a submissive you have the right say no face fucking or having cum shot at your face. Those are potential hard limits and the submissive's set and negotiate through with the potential Dom.

Now that you, as a sub, have given him your hard limits it's time sit down and start the negotiations before the signing of a contract. it's going take time hash out everything because you decide on safe words,rules for the submissive, punishments if the submissive breaks any of those rules., Some dynamics have rules for the Dom in order keep him mindful of his obligation the sub's health and well being. , I think you can see that the sub and the Dom are still on equal footing through the contractual negotiations. There is no set leader in the dynamic and on a side note it's not ethical for a Dom demand you call him anything but his birth name until the contract is signed.

Coming back that all often sentence heard at munches and parties. Did you see that sub top from the bottom? The idea that the Sub is topping from the bottom, or easier understood is the submissive is controlling the scene when just in the title of Dominant the submissive has no choice in any part of the dynamic is crazy talk right? Actually if you think about it if the parties negotiated the contract together then the submissive isn't so submissive now is she?

Let's say that after a few days of intense contractual negotiations you have finally come to the point of signing the contract. I implore you subs to read it very carefully because those fake dom's with no knowledge will throw in something you strongly disagreed with and had in your hard limits and if you sign it he can state to his and your peers that you signed an agreement to partake in what ever he hid in the contract.

I have a purpose behind this and we are getting to it finally. As you can see, the Dominant, even up to the point of signing the contract, still doesn't have ultimate control of the sub. My belief is the Dom never really does.

I imagine some of you have heard a phrase that states the submissive was topping from the bottom. If you haven't heard that saying yet then this part is the important part. I can show you many ways that the submissive is deciding the direction of the scene and or date.

1) If you, the submissive, uses a safe word because the scene got intense or mentally toxic you just decided when it stopped and not the Dom.
2) Through her hard limits and time consuming negotiations both sides come to an agreement on what can and will take place and what will never take place and it's not just the high and mighty Dom alone deciding.
3) The submissive has the right to walk away from the dynamic at any time as well as the Dom having that same right so again there is no defined leader but more of a guide as it were.

For many years now I have thought that the D\s, Capital D for Dominant and little s for the submissive is fatally flawed because if done correctly, with the submissive's consent kept in mind, the dominant's roll is more that of a leader and teacher helping his submissive to reach greater heights of sexual release and push her limits but notice he doesn't have ultimate control of her life unless the submissive give's him that right.

Is it possible for a submissive to top from the bottom? if all has been done right and with level heads then yes, more time's than not, the submissive will indeed top from the bottom and make a decision or along the way and any dominant that says he is in ultimate control or demands be doesn't understand the lifestyle, title, or dynamic by which he is playing around with and quickly become's a walking talking consent violation.

In short ladies and gentleman of the submissive nature, you are in more control than you thougt and when those posers try sell you that bull shit of he's in total control then My advice is run bitch run far and away and as fast as you can because that guy is going to, more time's than not, violate your consent and that make's him a predator and serial assaulter rather than a Domiant.

thanks for reading
What's wrong with Taboo Porn today?
Posted:Oct 25, 2019 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2019 4:52 pm
I'm glad you asked. There is a lot wrong with taboo porn today from story lines that make as much sense as a screen door on a submarine to casting so bad you're about to believe Stevie Wonder hired the cast by sight. I thought I would point out a few times I stopped the porn,

First example of porn gone der der der I give you Nacho Plate. Although the to be fucked actress was damn hot and it seemed the cock with no brains had some dick day's it seemed to be ok until the mother set's down dinner and it turns out to be plates with round pictures of Doritos. I shit you not, pictures of Dorito's. Okay, did you go over budget with the Kmart basic plates or did you just straight up smoke the budget up in your Wesley Pipes bong? I can see them sitting on the couch of the set Smoking a big fat J and suddenly Old Whitey says, & I quote, "I think we should take cardboard cut outs of Dorito's and put them on the cheap K mart crap and say it's dinner bro."

Now you would think that was probably der der der enough to be the worst ever but no not even close to the level of stupidity in porn this next example is. Imagine if you will a young couple on a leather couch making out, yes you could hear the poor girls thighs audibly rip from the leather. He's getting a rather large member ready to enter the young actress, which I have masterbated while imagining her covered in vanilla yogert as she is proclaiming her undying need for my underwhelming display of bumping ugly's, and here comes the obligatory non sexual actress. Not just any non sexual actress but Mrs so desperate for any paycheck at all pushing a mother fucking hoover around the floor with the cord nicely wrapped up around the hooks and no sound of a motor. Now that was a long ass sentence so let me take a breath here. Insert corny elevator music here. Now put this into perspective. The director of this complete shambles of a scene thought it was important to the fucking story to put this bitch in the scene pushing a non running vacuum around the floor. What's next for your career? Deaf mutes attempting a humiliation scene?

Since I can't top that on the just plain stupid directors catagorey I thought what I needed was the porn that had probably the worst casting decision in the history of casting decisions and that includes any dumb ass stupid enough to hire Shannon Daugherty after Beverly Hills 90210 the original and not the nastalgic reboot show that was about as stimulating as the Russian that I shit you not stroked a soft penis through an entire fifteen minute gang bang scene. Picture this. The cock lead is in his forties with salt and pepper hair and the, wait for it. It's coming. Be damned patient will you. The to be fucked in the scene was a mid to late thirties redhead with obvious aging and seeming to be a bit big for the description on the box. It exclaimed she had a slim figure. She was pushing 250 if not a bit higher. First of all I have to take issue with the Father sowing the seeds of a bouncing baby girl at what I figure to be about ten years old. I believe their insinuating porn when most of us guys are more than happy with Piper Perry. I don't know what the ever loving popcorn fuck you where thinking when you put that preview box on adult porn store shelves nation wide.

Normally I would have ended that with some witty retort about how the director sat in his ostentatious director's chair while masturbating to the latest copy of Are Us catalog or how the actor was so desperate for work he decided it was a good idea to even the lead in a porn making it appear he had a baby at the age of ten placed on shelves nation wide but I am going let the original piece stand.

That's all I got for this Blog from the mind of LovingDominant71
Safety is the key when looking for a Dominant
Posted:Oct 22, 2019 7:23 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2019 2:50 am
It's never been easy to find someone safe to play with when you delve into the kink arena and it's getting worse and worse. For every one guy that is a legitimate Dominant looking for a sub there is five predator's using your need to serve as a way to find his next victim and for that very reason there are steps you need to take to assure yourself that you will be safe in your search.

Before we get to the actual meeting I am going to give you a short list of things to look for that are instant red flags or signs he is looking to violate your consent. Most are pretty easy to spot.

1) If within the first two or three messages he demands that you him sir or master. If he take's his title seriously then he understands he has to earn your submission rather than demand it.
2) If he only want's to meet you at a motel. First he's probably married and the wife knows nothing about his Citymixx and there is no second. Most predators in this lifestyle tend to always want to meet at a motel.
3) If he wants to play with you without knowing your hard limits then run bitch run. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you don't have a right to say no to anything. A hard limit is something you won't do such as scat. A good dominant won't mind playing within your limitations.
4) This one will probably cause a debate but if he doesn't have one single pic on his Citymixx then be very leary. Some will say it's because they want discretion because of a career and that's valid but they could still send you a pic in a private message. I don't the discretion crap because they are on a site dealing with a lot of kinks to begin with and Suzy christian isn't going to be on Citymixx.

Looking for the red flags will many predators but not all so now it's time to go through my safety 1 list. and if you follow it like a law you will more than likely get the rest of those dick heads of your world.

1) Always set up that first meeting in public with well lit parking areas and plenty of people around with security cameras also in use such as eateries and the like. Cockroaches like the dark remember.
2) Ask them for a copy of their ID. Yes some will throw a major fit but this is your life on the line. Have this with you and make sure they like the picture.
3) set up a safety with a close friend. Make sure your friend has a copy as well of his ID and know's exactly where you are going. They will you a specified time and if you don't answer they will contact the authorities with the ID you gave them a copy of and where you were going.

It's a simple three step system that if you remember my slogan will allow you to finally delve into your deepest fantasy's without the fear. My slogan isn't hard to remember but sometimes hard to follow but well worth it in the end.


going to be straight with you and say most predator's don't want to put a ton of effort into getting you alone but some might be willing to go through with the meeting on your terms thinking that maybe they can get you to leave there and go where they can violate your consent. If you for the red flags and stay the course on the three step safety list and of course remember the motto you will be safe and that's your one objective.

Until I write again, Your Loving Dom.

Play safe.

To link to this blog (LovingDominant71) use [blog LovingDominant71] in your messages.

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Most Recent Comments by Others

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How To Tell Their Not A Real Dominant (5)1seeking1
Nov 2, 2019 8:46 am
Safety is the key when looking for a Dominant (3)1seeking1
Nov 2, 2019 7:34 am