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Can You Tan Your Hide?
Posted:May 23, 2020 8:29 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2020 6:32 pm

I come from a long line of "tanners". Well, not real long. I know my Mom and Dad were sun worshipers. Beyond that, the only habits that my relatives had that I know of was my great grandmother on my Dad's side was a swinger. When I was young they took me for a visit to her house and my Holy Roller Grandma had to go in first to make sure she wasn't having one of her "parties". My Mom said they went there once and a bunch of half dressed people went running out the back door.

But back to the topic of this post, both my parents were very tan much of my childhood. I've always liked to maintain a nice tan as well. My 1st wife was olive skinned which combined with my genes created a lineage of tanners that carries on to both of my G-girls. In fact, what takes me weeks, they can achieve in one good day on the beach.

Since joining this site, I've only dated one sun worshiper, the rest were "fair skinned, don't go the beach, SPF3000 wearing pasty-ass shade dwellers". Not that I mind, each their own..... there's something beautiful about that alabaster skin, something classic, royal-ish maybe, but put it next a dark tan and it can elicit unwanted comments. I had some sex videos of myself and a woman I met here a few years back, posted my profile. In the comment section a good amount of people wanted know if she was dead. She was that white. Her "whiteness" didn't bother , but between her and my tan, we had issues with getting the "bright" level correct the camera.

In my 9 years this site I've only met one woman with the ability t.o tan, and the rest didn't or wouldn't. I myself love the sizzle and the smell of tanning, it reminds me of bacon. So, my question isn't whether you DO or NOT, but if your skin WILL tan when left out in the sun?
Let's Be Honest....
Posted:May 15, 2020 4:00 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2020 6:58 pm

I was commenting o.n "onelastchan00's blog about people that were lying on their profiles and I thought it might be a good opportunity for u.s t.o fess u.p . Lord knows we "fudge" a little when describing ourselves, it's sort of like trying t.o sell a used car. Who's gonna buy it if you tell them that it gets 8 miles t.o the gallon, needs 3 new tires, and can't get an erection without a good dose of Viagra. NOT that I have a problem getting an erection......I have a problem finding a good use for an erection. But that's beside the point, actually, there's hair beside "the point", and it's nicely trimmed.

Anyway, back my confession:

-sexual orientation: straight/ well, that one is true, not even curious
-looking for: women, couples/ Women, yes. Couples, I'd been watching some porn when I picked that one.
-my birthday is correct, as much as I wish it wasn't......
-relocate? I picked "no", but I would rather say "highly doubtful", but never say never....
-marital status? Deeeevorced, and I got the papers t.o prove it
-swinger type? I picked sex with others, but let's be honest, isn't it the woman who decides?
-height? 5'8" or so, it depends on which Dr I believe, but in that vicinity
-body type? I picked average, but that was well before I sat on my ass for the month of April and put on twelve lbs, but it's going down, bit by fucking slow moving bit
-I don't smoke, but I do toke
-I said I don't drink at a.ll , but I do have a beer or mixed drink now and then
-drugs? I answered correctly: NUNYA
-I said some college but it was actually a tech school in lovely Phoenix AZ. I did like Phoenix!
-occupation: while I'm not a greasy mechanic anymore I was a motorcycle mechanic for 28 yrs so I'll always feel like that is my true profession
-everything else is fairly correct, although for "endowment" I chose avg/avg because I didn't see OMG/ HOLY SHIT for a choice

Well, I'm feeling quite unburdened! Now it's YOUR turn. What did you "fudge" on your profile?
Posted:May 10, 2020 6:32 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2020 5:12 am
I'd like wish you Moms out there a Happy Mother's Day. I hope you have a nice relaxing day and get t.o cook whatever you like for your family today! Thank You for that you do!

PPE: The Solution To A Serious Problem
Posted:May 7, 2020 6:11 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2020 5:18 am
Personal Protective Equipment? I thought it meant Pretty People Everywhere. When it comes t.o looking for Mrs Right, I'm a "face" person more than any other physical trait. And one thing I've noticed, with everyone covering 2/3 of their faces, the general public is looking a whole lot better. The last time I went grocery shopping I fell in love several times on every aisle. When a.ll you really see is their eyes and their hair, most of the general female population meet the standards t.o become my next Ex-wife. I mean, how bad can eyes and hair look. A.ll you've gotta do is wash that hair and NOT have a stye and your more than halfway there for m.e .

I think that the majority of the general public benefits from wearing a mask. There are some seriously fugly people out there and I'm beginning t.o realize the problem is noses and mouths. I saw a woman just the other day and with her mask she looked quite attractive, but I saw her pull it down and I swear t.o God this chick had more stubble o.n her lip and chin than I could grow in one day.

So, I'm going make the best of this pandemic with a.ll of it's social distancing and protective facial gear, because everyone looks a good sight better with a few feet and a mask between them. Don't you agree?

Would You Like A Valium With That Stick Up Your Ass?
Posted:Apr 29, 2020 8:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2020 5:21 pm
I was sitting around today, a day like any other day, minding my own business when I get a Corporate wide email. I get these a.l.l the time. Some are about work, some about management departments talking about forms and deadlines that make no sense , because I'm o.n the lowest part of the scrotum pole, some are about retirement or birthday parties for people I don't know because the company employs about .5K or more people.

So, today I get a mass email from company HQ reminding us to inform HR for any possible Covid contact or infection, yet again. We get this one, or one like it about 3 times a week. Today, there were responses, it's late afternoon, everyone has been sitting at home day, bored, possibly drinking, who knows. For some reason people responded today. Here's how the responses went:

Susan XXXXXXXX- Fuck it , I quit!!!
Laura XXXXXXXX- That language is NOT tolerated and unnecessary!!
Susan XXXXXXXX- No Fuck it! I;m gonna make more money as a stripper, anyway. Besides, I'm usually coked most of the day, every day!!
Laura XXXXXX- This needs stop immediately!!!
Brenda XXXXXXX- OMG, it's still happening!!!
Me- This is better than anything o.n TV!!! hahahahaha
Tom XXXXX- Bahahahaha!!!!
My location foreman- stuart, you need to stop responding to this email, this is going company wide and Susan xxxx's email has been obviously hacked.
Several other people continue to respond with pleas to "just stop responding", and the responses to that keep begging people to "stop responding"

So, after Tom XXXXX responded and validated my joke I was laughing and enjoying my "no longer boring" day. But after my location foreman directly instructs , by name, in front of my audience of .5K or more people, it kind of sucked the wind out of my sails. As embarrassing as THAT was, somehow I knew, I just knew this wasn't over.

So, from that point , I could feel that ever growing stick in my butt getting longer and thicker. Then it happened, about an hour later, my corporate HQ foreman calls . Apparently, the director of operations saw my comment on the email and wanted it passed on to me that it was not acceptable behavior on my part and we do not respond to corporate emails, EVER!

Really? I get phone THAT phone call. I thought maybe the director was gonna invite me over to his BBQ next weekend to do a stand u.p routine. I thought my comment was the perfect comedy relief at the perfect time. There was tension in that email from the moment Susan or whoever hacked Susan's email said "Fuck It". I got the feeling my corporate foreman might have felt that way, too. I got the feeling he was pissed off, pissed off about having to make that call. This place might consider handing out prescription for Valium with ID badges and keys. That or get over themselves.

Woohoo!!!! Weekend!!!!
Posted:Apr 27, 2020 5:41 pm
Last Updated:May 1, 2020 5:45 am

I'm working 1 day a week now, Monday, so today at 3:30pm my weekend began. And I am sick of this. Since this started back in early March I went from working every 2 days, to working every 3 days to 1 day a week AND I've managed to put on 10 lbs. I walk so much at work IT was my exercise, now I've had to start walking the hood again.

The rest of my life has been watching TV, endless Covid reports, Netflix, or Free TV. That's right. Got me a good ol' fashion antenna and got about 60 something free channels. Half are in Spanish, another good amount are shopping channels and then there are some oldie channels that I like to watch. Reruns of That 70s Show, According To Jim, and Home Improvement.

The funniest show I've seen is Father Knows Best, that show has had me spitting coffee and reaching for the remote so I can wind it back and see what I missed while I was trying to clear my morning Java from my sinus, then I remember, Free TV has no rewind, no pause, no control. I feel as if I'm at their mercy, which I am.

Other than that, not much to report. The lawn is mowed, dishes are done, the puffables are getting puffed even as I write this, and life crawls along ever so slowly. So, what do y'all do to pass the time?
Adventures in Grocery Shopping
Posted:Mar 25, 2020 8:32 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2020 4:56 am
[size4]My county is currently o.n a "Stay at Home/ Work Smart" mandate from our mayor, so I'm o.n a 2-day work schedule until further notice. I'll still get a 40 hour paycheck, but only work sixteen hrs a week. Thank God I'm not self employed anymore.

So today, like every other fucker in town, I thought I'd go to the store and get my groceries. I arrived 30 mins prior to opening and a line of about 75 hoarders wrapped around the building. Once the doors opened at 8am we slowly marched forward, picking carts o.n the way, until I was 2nd from the door t.o get in. That's when an employee walked past the line announcing they were out of toilet paper and would not be restocking any today. Greeeeat!!!!

Once inside, there was hardly anyone there since everyone was so spread out. Even still, some people can manage to block an entire aisle by themselves. I made mental notes o.f who I was "taking out" if things went south. Old people who should know better, racing around cutting people off, young people wandering aimlessly and getting in my way, stupid shoppers that feel a need t.o handle every package of ground hamburger meat, as if they are buying by "feel" rather than by quantity or price. I was well armed with a couple of heavy cans of refried beans just in case I needed t.o "learn" somebody some manners.

I found most everything I wanted. Alas, no Fresca. I did pick u.p a small pack of table napkins, just in case my , "El Douche" runs out of his toilet paper. He's not getting mine.

The Honeymoon Is Over ...
Posted:Mar 23, 2020 5:29 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2020 12:48 pm
I don't think my Keurig loves m.e. anymore...

My 2020 Choice
Posted:Feb 16, 2020 6:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2020 8:14 am
For The Introvert In All Of Us
Posted:Dec 10, 2019 5:05 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2020 4:13 am
Don't Forget The Breath Mint
Posted:Dec 9, 2019 6:05 am
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2019 8:07 pm
...includes a side of saltwater
Posted:Dec 8, 2019 9:43 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2019 4:52 am
Posted:Dec 8, 2019 7:17 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2019 5:53 pm

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