Downfalls to this site...  

secret_lade 46F
6311 posts
9/6/2020 5:49 pm
Downfalls to this site...


Has this happened to you?

Have you ever chatted with someone who seemed normal, who seemed like a fairly decent and reputable person, but then received evidence to the contrary?

I briefly chatted with someone last night and, like always, I was pretty honest about my thoughts and opinions in regard to meeting and the site in general. I like to get to know someone first to make sure I know what I'm getting myself into.

It's been a while since I actually decided to meet anyone from here, though.... I feel like the site is in its decline and, while I really enjoy the bloggers on here, the guys who would actually intend to meet me are less than par.

I received a message from a guy who lived an hour and a half away from me, I responded by telling him he lived to far away. That developed into a conversation that led me to believe the guy was actually kind of smart, and genuinely nice.

Then I logged on this evening to find this in my inbox. Um, yah, he had mistaken our conversation for one with someone else.

I don't believe you.
9/6/2020 6:30 pm
Even if that was the case -- that you fell asleep -- you did not contact me this morning or this afternoon to apologize.

Nor have you yet explained yourself ... You certainly did get many texts from me last week and you simply ignored them. ... Don't tell me that you got some but didn't get others. That's another lie.

Same thing here on Citymixx -- I wrote you and wrote you and wrote you ... and you responded only to a few and ignored the vast majority.

You must be honest and trustworthy and reliable and considerate. And so far, you're none of those.
9/6/2020 6:32 pm

Um... Yah. Sorry, wrong Chica. I've never texted you. Honest and trustworthy? You're telling off the wrong person.
9/6/2020 7:47 pm

Yep


In essence, I kind of learned that the guy who is demanding honesty and trustworthy from someone else is actually kind of a scum bag. He's certainly not being honest and trustworthy to her... He was trying like hell to get me to take the next steps and meet up with him.

Would I have been a revenge fuck?

A rebound chick?

A tool to make another woman feel inadequate and jealous....

Doesn't really matter as I had respectfully declined based on distance, but I kind of wonder, had he lived closer, would I have maybe given him a chance? He seemed like a nice, honest, intelligent guy.

Luck was on my side this time...

placeboeffect99 31M
11 posts
9/17/2020 10:40 pm

It's guys like this who give the rest of us on here a bad rep.


lonlyforlove2 77M
16698 posts
9/14/2020 9:21 pm

It is up to you to make the call.. When there is any question ere on the side of sanity and safety. You understand life, just heads up and say "next".

Be sure to look in at lonlyforlove2 . It may make you smile


lunchandconvo 50F
86 posts
9/13/2020 1:19 am

and now i am drawing a blank if i've had anyone do that to me...
i'm glad you got this message before deciding to move forward.

right now i have someone in another town who claims to be in my town all the time. the conversation has dwindling to asking me if it also rained in my town...


MrWrong4RghtNow 54M  
392 posts
9/8/2020 10:59 pm

It’s an unfortunate fact that online interaction inevitably leads to disappointing encounters or revelatory instances such as yours.
I’ve experienced them plenty of times. All I can say is always trust your gut feelings. Intuition is a very precious quality to possess.
People who present themselves a certain way only to reveal a far more disturbing side is always unexpected despite the experience being sadly common. Either you can be an optimist and hope they are telling the truth or a pessimist who doubts everything said until proven otherwise.
It sucks that you had the encounter but as others have said, you thankfully dodged a bullet.
I hope you do find someone to share a life and happiness with, either during or after this strange times. Take care.


Massass1963 57M
252 posts
9/8/2020 9:17 am

    Quoting secret_lade:
    It has been my experience that distance is a hindrance. Distance means cancellations because "I just don't have the time". Distance means "I have to travel a total of 3 hours so it gives me the right to be demanding". Distance means "I'm putting wear and tear on my car and gas in my tank you should be thankful I've graced you with my time." Distance also puts a damper on meeting up on an unexpected free afternoon for a few hours.... It just doesn't work for me.
I do understand that. I do think, though, that most of those are also indicators of the quality of the person, rather than a result of the distance. I've had a few meets and relationships, subsequently, with women over an hour away and no issues at all. I preferred that over those right nearby. Of course, for me, I have to go a couple hour radius of searching to find a half dozen potential female candidates that want to meet AND that I am attracted to.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:43 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Mine was the exact same format as yours, A prelude, a copy of the message, followed by a personal commentary. Your's was interesting while mine was "meh".
I don't think I've ever ready anything you wrote that was simply 'meh'.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:42 am

    Quoting seems6666:
    She 'texted and texted and wrote and wrote all with no reply... he might have had a lucky escape from her 😂😂
    I have lots of chats with different men... I'm not looking for just sex but I like to chat and i assume as they are looking for sex they are chatting to other women too.
    I wouldn't get hung up about that but if we met and decided to take it further.. THEN I would have an issue if he were talking to other women... or even stating on here.
He was the one doing the chatting and texting... She was the one avoiding. Lately, I'm really only been blogging on here as, I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for anymore... It's very mid-life crisis-ish...


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:39 am

    Quoting citizen4722:
    Good thing he was far enough away for you to dodge that bullet
I know, right!?!


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:38 am

    Quoting Massass1963:
    My problem with guys on this site is, well, they don't read MY profile, either. I make a HUGE point of the fact I am 100% straight, and yet they still try to contact me. These are men who are Gold members and could read my profile, if they can read at all!
    I will say though that men must be willing to travel up to a couple hours for a nice woman. There are just way too few women on here to be so picky as to only be willing to travel a few minutes. I am not quite sure why an hour and a half is too far if HE is willing to travel the distance, though.
    Women have far more choices and may feel they can be pickier, but the problem, from my vantage point, is that although there are way more men, there are painfully few men of quality ... you women may have to be willing to expand your distances for that reason.
It has been my experience that distance is a hindrance. Distance means cancellations because "I just don't have the time". Distance means "I have to travel a total of 3 hours so it gives me the right to be demanding". Distance means "I'm putting wear and tear on my car and gas in my tank you should be thankful I've graced you with my time." Distance also puts a damper on meeting up on an unexpected free afternoon for a few hours.... It just doesn't work for me.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:31 am

    Quoting pocogato12:
    Paul has this absolutely right: Respect is earned.
    Honesty is appreciated.
    Trust is gained.
    Loyalty is returned

    It is not just this site but in life in general
I totally agree.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/8/2020 7:31 am

    Quoting positively4you:
    I have finally become aware. This site is like the lottery. We are pretty sure our odds of winning is quite low, but we play it anyway just in case we might be that one in 10 million to get a hit. I do enjoy the blogs somewhat, but a good meet, I don’t even expect. However the virus has impacted that, also. I did recently meet a man in real life and there are issues there, too. But, I feel that is the best way to go to meet someone over all. But now we are shut in somewhat. The way he spoke to her tells you what he is. Bullet dodged maybe.
This virus really has changed the whole dynamic of things, hasn't it? I also feel the best way to get to know who someone really is, is by a face to face meet. You can tell a lot by a persons appearance, demeanor, and ability to hold a conversation. So much is hidden behind the anonymity of a screen name.


seems6666 49F
4017 posts
9/7/2020 8:29 am

She 'texted and texted and wrote and wrote all with no reply... he might have had a lucky escape from her 😂😂
I have lots of chats with different men... I'm not looking for just sex but I like to chat and i assume as they are looking for sex they are chatting to other women too.
I wouldn't get hung up about that but if we met and decided to take it further.. THEN I would have an issue if he were talking to other women... or even stating on here.


citizen4722 62M  
67973 posts
9/7/2020 8:17 am

Good thing he was far enough away for you to dodge that bullet


Massass1963 57M
252 posts
9/7/2020 7:23 am

My problem with guys on this site is, well, they don't read MY profile, either. I make a HUGE point of the fact I am 100% straight, and yet they still try to contact me. These are men who are Gold members and could read my profile, if they can read at all!
I will say though that men must be willing to travel up to a couple hours for a nice woman. There are just way too few women on here to be so picky as to only be willing to travel a few minutes. I am not quite sure why an hour and a half is too far if HE is willing to travel the distance, though.
Women have far more choices and may feel they can be pickier, but the problem, from my vantage point, is that although there are way more men, there are painfully few men of quality ... you women may have to be willing to expand your distances for that reason.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 7:04 am

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I rarely meet anyone from this site in person because frankly they aren't worth my time or energy.

    I've discovered the more you chat with someone the faster they reveal their crazy or true intentions
Lately, I've only been blogging on here. Meeting someone has kind of lost my interest... Between the pandemic and the guys I've encountered, and the fact that I think I'm just ready to find someone I can invest some time in, I'm pretty certain what I'm looking for can't be found here.


pocogato12 68F  
34095 posts
9/7/2020 7:03 am

Paul has this absolutely right: Respect is earned.
Honesty is appreciated.
Trust is gained.
Loyalty is returned

It is not just this site but in life in general

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


positively4you 71F  
4020 posts
9/7/2020 7:02 am

I have finally become aware. This site is like the lottery. We are pretty sure our odds of winning is quite low, but we play it anyway just in case we might be that one in 10 million to get a hit. I do enjoy the blogs somewhat, but a good meet, I don’t even expect. However the virus has impacted that, also. I did recently meet a man in real life and there are issues there, too. But, I feel that is the best way to go to meet someone over all. But now we are shut in somewhat. The way he spoke to her tells you what he is. Bullet dodged maybe.


mc_justmc 60M  
6463 posts
9/7/2020 7:02 am

    Quoting secret_lade:
    I didn't see your post.... You don't have to hold back your creativity because it may be similar to something I ranted or rambled on about.
Mine was the exact same format as yours, A prelude, a copy of the message, followed by a personal commentary. Your's was interesting while mine was "meh".


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 7:01 am

    Quoting Granny872:
    Clearly he was hedging his bets by chatting with you ... in case Chica #1 didn't finally respond to him, lol. Yep, luck was on your side.

    Oh these guys ...

    My biggest beef is that they don't read the profiles, or if they do, it's selective reading ... skimming thru them and cherry-picking the things they want to read and overlooking important things ... like preferences or other key pieces of information that might give them a real clue.
Yes, he clearly was. It sounded like Chica #1 was probably avoiding him, at lease that's what I got from his message to her.... I'm certain there was probably a reason for that as well.


srkaficionada 37F  
969 posts
9/7/2020 7:01 am

    Quoting Granny872:
    Clearly he was hedging his bets by chatting with you ... in case Chica #1 didn't finally respond to him, lol. Yep, luck was on your side.

    Oh these guys ...

    My biggest beef is that they don't read the profiles, or if they do, it's selective reading ... skimming thru them and cherry-picking the things they want to read and overlooking important things ... like preferences or other key pieces of information that might give them a real clue.
Ooh. I had one recently tell me mine was wordy but didn’t have much info on what I was looking for. Sir! It says it right there. So, I hit him with “looking for exclusive commitment and a marriage within a year. I guess that wasn’t as wordy and poof, he went.

I especially like the ones who get that I’m looking for casual sex from mine. And miss the part where I also mention being friends as well and someone to do things with.


srkaficionada 37F  
969 posts
9/7/2020 6:57 am

Usually when I get certain messages, I’m either replying with :
1. Are you sure you have the right person?
2. I’ve never even talked to you.

If I’d gotten this message, that’d be my reply/reaction. As for bending the truth, whoo chile! If you had met him, it would’ve slipped out sooner or later unless he’s a sociopath and is good at lying.

Like someone else said, if you do want to meet him, then meet him keeping in mind you’re not the only person he’s seeing/talking to. Unless meeting also implies you would’ve had sex with him.

If it’ll help, I’ll chat with people on here. If they haven’t pissed me off or my attention hasn’t wandered after a week or so, we’ll swap numbers and then chat some more. My limit is : if we’re not meeting face to face within at most a 2 week period, I’m writing you off. If the person refuses to meet in a neutral place BEFORE 9pm on a week day or during daylight hours on a weekend, I’m writing them off. If we then meet and they either stand me up or they want to change up plans(say we agree to a park and they somehow remember their house is close by and invite me to their house), I’m shutting it all down and leaving. My limits have saved me a lot of anger and frustration. And maybe this might be bias speaking, but I tend to go for people with at least 10 years on me. That also helps because I usually end up with established men who didn’t get to where they are professionally by being flakes or idiots or indecisive.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:56 am

thank you


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:56 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    'Reputable', this site? Hmmm... Sure, those people exist. But even I, reside behind a keyboard. (*that was a joke *)
    We're all protecting ourselves with a buffer - of some sort - aren't we?
    How could you tell he was reputable?
    I imagine he's playing a numbers game and working the odds with you.
    Perhaps I'm jaded, but I think people here (and on the web), will only be 100% honest about things, after a pound of trust is earned.
    It's a rough game, isn't it? 🤔

    Respect is earned.
    Honesty is appreciated.
    Trust is gained.
    Loyalty is returned
You are right... We all are residing behind a keyboard. The only parts of ourselves are the parts we allow people to see.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:52 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    One thing I assume when getting to know anyone from this site--when I was meeting--is that I'm not the only woman a man is getting to know. Plus, they're not the only man I'm getting to know. This assumption saves me frustration.

    Personally, I wouldn't have shown a lack of interest in him for talking to someone else, or thinking I was someone else. It would have been for how he handled the situation.
I wasn't really upset at him mistaking me for someone else.... But I was disappointed in what I was seeing him say to someone else. Looked like he had some anger issues, and he had expectations out of someone that he, himself, weren't living up to himself. He did end up responding to me after that, calling the intended recipient a whack job and "look what I have to deal with." When I told him it looked like he had unresolved feelings and time commitment, he got angry with me as well. Dodged a bullet.


srkaficionada 37F  
969 posts
9/7/2020 6:44 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    One thing I assume when getting to know anyone from this site--when I was meeting--is that I'm not the only woman a man is getting to know. Plus, they're not the only man I'm getting to know. This assumption saves me frustration.

    Personally, I wouldn't have shown a lack of interest in him for talking to someone else, or thinking I was someone else. It would have been for how he handled the situation.
This is currently doing me in! Realising that maybe I’m not the only one they’re seeing or talking to, it brings out the selfish and the deeply buried narcissist 🥴

Then, like you said, once I realised that I’m also not talking to just them, I dial back the crazy and hypocrisy and just roll with it. I do draw the line though at the sex: one person until it either goes further or they tell me to gtfo. And that makes it so hard because if I’m talking with 2-3 other people and sleeping with just one, I have a serious FOMO thing going on.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:44 am

    Quoting RavenGB:
    Serendipity, probably.

    It is a mystery to me why some folk on this site (I'm thinking of a chat room) goout of their way to make others unhappy, to belittle them or just be plain rude - I don't see the joy in abusing anybody, let alone strangers.

    Then, if you actually hope to meet somebody and get them into bed, how can people imagine that telling a pack of lies about their age and situation will do it? Better by far to be open and honest - if my eleven inch dick isn't enough for you,, I don't care, it's all I've got

    Don't despair, there are plenty of genuine people on the sit and you just need to find one or two close to you.
I agree... Better to be open and honest. I would much rather know all the ugly little truths before hand and go into something openly than discover things like... He's married when he said he wasn't.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:35 am

    Quoting jajo696:
    Bingo.....and for me ...THAT is the key. I talk to them forever before even thinking about meeting. People cannot pretend to be sane forever. At some point the crazy presents itself ~~
Honestly, I do the same thing. Most guys lose interest when I don't immediately invite them over to have sex after one response. Sure, I don't know your name, or even what your true age is, but I'll invite you to my HOME to screw me.... Uh, no.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:31 am

    Quoting japaneseass:
    honestly...even if you decided to meet him? he probably stood you up anyway...
    it happened to me...it will happened to you...and this guy sounds like such a guy from the get-go...sorry...
You are right.... That's the reason why I avoid the men who live more than a half hour away is because the chances of them canceling and no-showing are much, much higher.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:27 am

    Quoting billblair40:
    I met a woman that I met from this site and invited her to spend the night since it was a bit of a drive for her to get to my place. She wound up stealing cash out of my jeans while I was in the shower the next morning. That money was destined for groceries later in the day. I was pissed but remained relatively calm as I demanded the cash back and then showed her to the door. There are a lot of genuine people on here, but there are also those with ulterior motives. Sometimes ya just get burned
oh yikes! I think those people are out there everywhere, regardless of where you meet them. It's unfortunate, I just have never been able to stomach people that steal.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:24 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Oh shit! I just did a post on messages, though mine was different than yours, I would have waited had I seen this. Sorry.
I didn't see your post.... You don't have to hold back your creativity because it may be similar to something I ranted or rambled on about.


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:16 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Oh shit! I just did a post on messages, though mine was different than yours, I would have waited had I seen this. Sorry.
Ok... I guess I'm going to have to take a look now? To see why you're aplogizing?


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/7/2020 6:15 am

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    Sounds like a lucky escape McLade.....

    I guess that's one of the biggest dangers with online interactions - people have the ability to be far more economical with the truth and are under the misapprehension that they'll get away with it indefinitely.......the truth almost always comes out though.
Very true... You really can represent yourself to be anything you want to be online. Time reveals the truth, however... In this case, it didn't take much time at all.


lindoboy100 57M
22087 posts
9/7/2020 5:32 am

Sounds like a lucky escape McLade.....

I guess that's one of the biggest dangers with online interactions - people have the ability to be far more economical with the truth and are under the misapprehension that they'll get away with it indefinitely.......the truth almost always comes out though.

Pull ma finger.........


mc_justmc 60M  
6463 posts
9/7/2020 5:26 am

Oh shit! I just did a post on messages, though mine was different than yours, I would have waited had I seen this. Sorry.


billblair40 52M
25 posts
9/7/2020 3:40 am

I met a woman that I met from this site and invited her to spend the night since it was a bit of a drive for her to get to my place. She wound up stealing cash out of my jeans while I was in the shower the next morning. That money was destined for groceries later in the day. I was pissed but remained relatively calm as I demanded the cash back and then showed her to the door. There are a lot of genuine people on here, but there are also those with ulterior motives. Sometimes ya just get burned


japaneseass 53F  
49680 posts
9/7/2020 2:53 am

honestly...even if you decided to meet him? he probably stood you up anyway...
it happened to me...it will happened to you...and this guy sounds like such a guy from the get-go...sorry...


jajo696 65F
2350 posts
9/7/2020 1:32 am

    Quoting CUMHANDLEME:
    I rarely meet anyone from this site in person because frankly they aren't worth my time or energy.

    I've discovered the more you chat with someone the faster they reveal their crazy or true intentions
Bingo.....and for me ...THAT is the key. I talk to them forever before even thinking about meeting. People cannot pretend to be sane forever. At some point the crazy presents itself ~~


Comeundone68 50F  
20 posts
9/6/2020 11:15 pm

Do consider that you dodged a bullet. I find most everyone lies on all sites. I just dodged a bullet myself with a guy that I had been talking to for 3 weeks. He said he wanted to concentrate on me. But the had a profile here and a friend contacted him . She didn't know I had been talking to him. He told her he had been talking with one person but he wasn't attracted. Wow ego blow to me. Of course this after tells me Im so pretty. Ugh. Lies lies and well lies.


RavenGB 59M
1130 posts
9/6/2020 11:10 pm

Serendipity, probably.

It is a mystery to me why some folk on this site (I'm thinking of a chat room) goout of their way to make others unhappy, to belittle them or just be plain rude - I don't see the joy in abusing anybody, let alone strangers.

Then, if you actually hope to meet somebody and get them into bed, how can people imagine that telling a pack of lies about their age and situation will do it? Better by far to be open and honest - if my eleven inch dick isn't enough for you,, I don't care, it's all I've got

Don't despair, there are plenty of genuine people on the sit and you just need to find one or two close to you.


BiggLala 48F  
28773 posts
9/6/2020 10:01 pm

One thing I assume when getting to know anyone from this site--when I was meeting--is that I'm not the only woman a man is getting to know. Plus, they're not the only man I'm getting to know. This assumption saves me frustration.

Personally, I wouldn't have shown a lack of interest in him for talking to someone else, or thinking I was someone else. It would have been for how he handled the situation.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


Paulxx001 63M
16323 posts
9/6/2020 9:54 pm

'Reputable', this site? Hmmm... Sure, those people exist. But even I, reside behind a keyboard. (*that was a joke *)
We're all protecting ourselves with a buffer - of some sort - aren't we?
How could you tell he was reputable?
I imagine he's playing a numbers game and working the odds with you.
Perhaps I'm jaded, but I think people here (and on the web), will only be 100% honest about things, after a pound of trust is earned.
It's a rough game, isn't it? 🤔

Respect is earned.
Honesty is appreciated.
Trust is gained.
Loyalty is returned


Secretadicktion 28M
3 posts
9/6/2020 9:30 pm

I hear that and wish you better luck


Granny872 68F  
2565 posts
9/6/2020 9:22 pm

Clearly he was hedging his bets by chatting with you ... in case Chica #1 didn't finally respond to him, lol. Yep, luck was on your side.

Oh these guys ...

My biggest beef is that they don't read the profiles, or if they do, it's selective reading ... skimming thru them and cherry-picking the things they want to read and overlooking important things ... like preferences or other key pieces of information that might give them a real clue.


CUMHANDLEME 58F  
677 posts
9/6/2020 9:15 pm

I rarely meet anyone from this site in person because frankly they aren't worth my time or energy.

I've discovered the more you chat with someone the faster they reveal their crazy or true intentions

Do you have any Primal Urges ... I do, please CUMHANDLEME and explore some of my naughty and nice Primal ... Urges with me !!!


secret_lade 46F
4245 posts
9/6/2020 5:56 pm

I've got a few horror stories... This one just happens to be the most recent.


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