"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." --H.L. Mencken I read a hell of a lot of books and I like classical music, Gilbert and Sullivan, some jazz, some rock, and films. I am a sucker for a sexy hair-do, especially one that evokes the styles of 1920s to 1940s America. Most of the girls I meet online who are halfway literate find it refreshing that I can distinguish "your" from "you're," avoid comma splices, correctly use an apostrophe, and display other basic skills that we all should have learned in grade school. (Shame on you, my fellow men. Get it together!) I have a habit of coming up with weird questions. Maybe you can help me answer one. For example: (1) Why don't air molecules fall to the ground like everything else that has weight? (Think about it.) (2) What is the point of hearses? Why do we need a special vehicle to transport dead people? Why not use a stationwagon or some other nondescript vehicle that doesn't remind other motorists of death? (3) If cops are so detail-oriented and observant, why do they use such vague jargon, like: "The individual alighted the vehicle and indicated that the stolen items were no longer at the suspect's residence." Was the "individual" a man? woman? ? dog? Was the "vehicle" a sedan? SUV? dump truck? golf cart? Was his "residence" a clapboard shack? apartment? condo? house? mansion? I will happily send you a photo by e-mail. And I hereby give you my peral guaranty that I will NOT send you a cock pick (unless you ask). Aren't I smooth?

My Ideal Person My ideal person would probably agree with these words of wisdom from the great psychologist and feethinker Albert Ellis:

"My premise is that sexual intercourse, copulation, fucking, or whatever you wish to call it, is normally, under almost all circumstances, a damned good thing. Therefore, we had better not use [the word fuck] in a negative, condemnatory manner. Instead of denouncing someone by calling him 'a fucking bastard' we can say, of course, that he is 'an unfucking 'villain' (since bastard, too, is not necessarily a negative state and should not only be used pejoratively)."

And so, if you enjoyed my profile, "fuck you"!